From a person having a dozen of close friends back till 10th grade, I’ve become someone who has not a name to recall from my 11th and 12th. And ever since, it has been more of losing friendships than finding them. While some lost to stupid fights, the most regretting were the ones that lost to silence and inhibitions built for no reason.I have no idea as to how many from the other end of those friendships feels the same way as I do, but if you are reading this, I probably dwell more in those ruins than the existing ones. Do I want to die knowing and remembering hardly a score of people all my life? Do I want to die with hardly a dozen to be remembering me? The questions scare me!
There is the most common defence in “how everyone ends up in life having hardly a couple of friends by their sides”. As much as I wouldn’t like to question the fact, I still don’t believe why such things be put as an excuse to being a complete failure in having something that sure might not flourish in the long run, but doesn’t die either.
I don’t know if I am a socially awkward person or just a bit too moody with the mood mostly inclined towards refraining from being friendly to people. Around a couple of years hence, and I will, yet again, be in the same position to recall names, and I surely don’t want it to be some exercise for my brain; which by the way doesn’t seem to be heading anywhere in that direction. Keeping aside a couple of really close friends I’ve made in Kgp, I really don’t see myself feeling nostalgic for many. Do I want to tell stories about “the college days of my life” with only a couple of names in there? Moreover, how many such stories shall I find a place in, however small the part may be?
All of this beginning with a lazy day when I didn’t really want to go out with friends, which helplessly gets converted to a lazy week. They soon stop asking and I decide to be lazy again for asking them out myself. Call me lazy, or call me a really bad initiator! “What does it take to say a small Hi and let the conversation just build up?” - one of my friends pointed out. Sure it doesn’t, and I think again, of course it does! How in the hell are conversations meant to build up? Am I struggling with something that comes so naturally to others! Where in all of this am I going wrong?
This note goes to all those I have missed at some point or another, to those I have let go for stupid reasons, others for no reasons, and to those I never could open up to, or never wanted to for some senseless grudge. I truly consider it my loss for locking myself in a shell of my own, and I wish I could change the fact. To the spoiled ones – you know how we manage with those once in a while chats, I would want to continue with those no matter how awkward they might get. To the ones I might just end up spoiling with - could you please help up with my nature – I may never be the first one to start, but that nowhere implies I don’t want to. If this means anything close to the way it does to me, until I figure out why is to so difficult, could you please help me make it easier. And finally to those who have managed to stay glued, thanks for reading this (and for the reason you know why).
There is the most common defence in “how everyone ends up in life having hardly a couple of friends by their sides”. As much as I wouldn’t like to question the fact, I still don’t believe why such things be put as an excuse to being a complete failure in having something that sure might not flourish in the long run, but doesn’t die either.
I don’t know if I am a socially awkward person or just a bit too moody with the mood mostly inclined towards refraining from being friendly to people. Around a couple of years hence, and I will, yet again, be in the same position to recall names, and I surely don’t want it to be some exercise for my brain; which by the way doesn’t seem to be heading anywhere in that direction. Keeping aside a couple of really close friends I’ve made in Kgp, I really don’t see myself feeling nostalgic for many. Do I want to tell stories about “the college days of my life” with only a couple of names in there? Moreover, how many such stories shall I find a place in, however small the part may be?
All of this beginning with a lazy day when I didn’t really want to go out with friends, which helplessly gets converted to a lazy week. They soon stop asking and I decide to be lazy again for asking them out myself. Call me lazy, or call me a really bad initiator! “What does it take to say a small Hi and let the conversation just build up?” - one of my friends pointed out. Sure it doesn’t, and I think again, of course it does! How in the hell are conversations meant to build up? Am I struggling with something that comes so naturally to others! Where in all of this am I going wrong?
This note goes to all those I have missed at some point or another, to those I have let go for stupid reasons, others for no reasons, and to those I never could open up to, or never wanted to for some senseless grudge. I truly consider it my loss for locking myself in a shell of my own, and I wish I could change the fact. To the spoiled ones – you know how we manage with those once in a while chats, I would want to continue with those no matter how awkward they might get. To the ones I might just end up spoiling with - could you please help up with my nature – I may never be the first one to start, but that nowhere implies I don’t want to. If this means anything close to the way it does to me, until I figure out why is to so difficult, could you please help me make it easier. And finally to those who have managed to stay glued, thanks for reading this (and for the reason you know why).
