I was sitting idle , my hand recklessly scrolling on the mouse and eyes on the laptop screen . This being my daily routine for weeks now , and stagnant my life. Sleeping the extra hours to kill time , my messenger showing me online far more than ever , my brain's been practically dormant with me being unable to recapitulate on my life. Forget about my future , I fail to comprehend even my present. I have been no less than a nomad in the world that exists in my head . To make things pathetic, even that seems vague .
Am interrupted ( that's more than welcome ) by a phone call , "Avani" the caller id flashes ,she being an old friend I have broken all records of talking on the phone with. Skipping all sorts of formal and even informal greetings ,I jump to cursing her for being in I-don't-know-in-which-world for so long.While most of us went out of Ranchi for higher education ,she chose to stay here . The very fact , helping the least in being in touch.It is a moment , a-no-need-to-TRY-to-start-a-conversation moment. As we talk , the whole first year of my college life sums up in front of me. The difference comes clear right between her and me , between what I was an year back and what I am now !
It was after the 12th boards ,no one of us knew what exactly we wanted from life , where exactly our next step would take us , all we knew was our quest for exposure and experiences. Two years hence, I can actually see myself spelling the word .Going back to the my first vacation , Changes were profoundly visible. Everybody at home talked about it , about the confidence , that missing hesitancy , the above-what-others-might-think attitude . The easier changes gets noticed (and also appreciated) , the quickly one gets accustomed to them. Habituated to the new ME , I stood in front of this crossroad . neither knowing where it would lead me to nor where I came from. The latter still awaits its answer, while the former just got one as I put down the phone. And this is why my daily chats with this classmate or the other acquaintance is nowhere close to an hour's talk with an old friend.
Memories of my first year appeared like the unsolved jigsaw pieces , those that now frame the perfect picture . I might not remember of how we landed up watching a movie in the train engine outside Nehru or when I made this new friend or how many classes I bunked or for that matter the number of Physics classes that I did attend . But each and every day counted . I had never been busier before ,never had conversations that mattered more ,never felt like taking a responsibility , never seen myself fall and rise up so soon . It was never before that experiences existed more in the real world than my imagination. I hardly remember having dreams in Kgp , reality had a lot more happening.Clouded with so many "things" , I had little time to see where the flow of incidents was taking me , meanwhile I made my share of mistakes , frankly a little more . Mistakes that I don't regret , for after three years of following a goal set up by I don't know who ,and still having that big question mark of my life , following nothing makes no difference now.
With the Good , - the memories , lessons , experiences , growth and change , the Bad -Grades that I (as of now) don't regret much , comes the Ugly . The bitter truth that one day I might have to repent for the Bad and regret for the excess of Good. The deep hidden question of me doing what in the top institute of India . The ugly fact of everything appearing blur to my eyes now . The girl who was thirsty for the exposure has got one , and its time to get some new goals set,those that can clear the blur . Its time the experience I got paves the path for new ones to come.
Am interrupted ( that's more than welcome ) by a phone call , "Avani" the caller id flashes ,she being an old friend I have broken all records of talking on the phone with. Skipping all sorts of formal and even informal greetings ,I jump to cursing her for being in I-don't-know-in-which-world for so long.While most of us went out of Ranchi for higher education ,she chose to stay here . The very fact , helping the least in being in touch.It is a moment , a-no-need-to-TRY-to-start-a-conversation moment. As we talk , the whole first year of my college life sums up in front of me. The difference comes clear right between her and me , between what I was an year back and what I am now !
It was after the 12th boards ,no one of us knew what exactly we wanted from life , where exactly our next step would take us , all we knew was our quest for exposure and experiences. Two years hence, I can actually see myself spelling the word .Going back to the my first vacation , Changes were profoundly visible. Everybody at home talked about it , about the confidence , that missing hesitancy , the above-what-others-might-think attitude . The easier changes gets noticed (and also appreciated) , the quickly one gets accustomed to them. Habituated to the new ME , I stood in front of this crossroad . neither knowing where it would lead me to nor where I came from. The latter still awaits its answer, while the former just got one as I put down the phone. And this is why my daily chats with this classmate or the other acquaintance is nowhere close to an hour's talk with an old friend.
With the Good , - the memories , lessons , experiences , growth and change , the Bad -Grades that I (as of now) don't regret much , comes the Ugly . The bitter truth that one day I might have to repent for the Bad and regret for the excess of Good. The deep hidden question of me doing what in the top institute of India . The ugly fact of everything appearing blur to my eyes now . The girl who was thirsty for the exposure has got one , and its time to get some new goals set,those that can clear the blur . Its time the experience I got paves the path for new ones to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment