The Good, the Bad and the Angry ~

This one’s for those inherently angry souls, who have a mind and mouth of their own and do not hesitate much in putting them to use, sometimes even when it is not really required. While it is great to be expressive about what one feels, there are repercussions too, most of which may not be noticeable early in our lives but slowly starts to take over relationships that matter. Not at all easy as it might sound, anger curtailment takes years, a lot of patience, few bad experiences leading to guilt trips and a regular sincere conscious effort. While I haven’t learnt how to control this enemy residing inside me, I have been able to figure out some simple ways that do help in minimizing the aftereffects. Following is a list of these lessons I learnt through my personal guilt trips hoping it could be of help to some.

1.    The one on the other hand has a mind and a mouth too – Yes, so while she or he may appear to be more civilized than you during most of your arguments (read fights), you got to be aware of the inner demon that haunts all. Remember not to ignite enough this demon, and if so you do, be prepared to accept harsher things coming your way. And, you cannot be critical of their curses or attack them back with this as your new weapon. Just as conveniently forgetful you are of your anger bursts, so should you be or even more to what’s directed at you. It’s a difficult thing, considering you have mostly been on the other side of the radar and don’t have the capability of empathizing with the one who has to hear things difficult to forget.

2.    Learn to be apologetic – Agreeably, a hot head fails badly at weighing things wrong or right. But we all accept that at least one out of the hundred bad things we speak in anger would be wrong. Wrong, morally, and wrong in a sense that puts you down as a human even though it might have helped you gain an upper hand in the argument. The other person might be a little more wrong than you (as your head would always tell), but when it comes to apologizing, you must be the first one. Acceptance of apology is a question that shouldn’t bother but apologize for the simple reason that you were wrong and doing so has put you down in your own eyes. This might require you some moments of calm and silence of your hot head, after which you would feel a lot of relief. This also makes easier the process of forgiving yourself which is of prime importance considering such an anger burst is not going to be your last one.

3.   Apologies aren’t going to help you get away with everything – There would be things you could get forgiven for, but there is always a boundary, in a civilized world and in its more liberal form in the world controlled by anger as well. Some words and actions cannot be taken back. Very often we find ourselves blurting out mean things that are a product of our cunning mind invariably coming up in addition to the other vices that anger invites. Personal attacks, pointing out each other’s weak points or troubled past, going to their families or upbringing turn things really ugly and are a strict no. Try to maintain the basic respect you have had for the other person even in times your mouth would want to go all foul. Break things, look away, scream, or at best curse (in the least offensive way) but never cross the line.

4.    Afterall, we have all fought with our mothers the most – If you are girl, you wouldn’t agree more to the point that our teenage was spent fighting and arguing with our moms practically every day. And yet, it is one bond that’s unbreakable, unshakable. Remember of all those times you closed your eyes, your fists even badly, said a thousand bad things in your head and hoped you could get away with that one fight that would spoil both your mood and hers. And what if you couldn’t? Did that one fight or did those every day fights bring any difference to your relationship with her. Did you start thinking any bad of her? Did you ever lose your respect and love for her? Am not really comparing any of those fights with the ones we have with people now, but if that person is someone even an inch close to your heart, its cruel to spoil all that matters for a few moments of weakness that shouldn’t. Such incidents are only meant to take lessons from and help being more tolerable to others. Post anger burst judgements of any sort should be learnt to ignore.